My Journey

Growing up I faced a multitude of mental issues that at times had manifested into physical problems. From early high school age I suffered from depression and experienced anxious episodes often. I was extremely withdrawn and socially awkward, too self-conscious to talk to people. It was my feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness and anxiety that provoked me to start eating out of comfort and reassurance. My parents had raised me to not eat highly refined junk foods and to instead focus on nutritional wholefoods. However, whenever my spirits were low, I would find comforting and fulfilling junk foods to fill my emotional void. I eventually started gaining a small amount of weight, but the most significant change was my skin. I had developed acne, which pushed my spirits even lower.
It wasn’t until age fifteen that I had begun to become increasingly aware of how my body looked and had acquired a negative body image. This triggered years of an extremely unhealthy relationship with food and fitness. Each day I would deprive myself of food for as long as I could stand, then gradually crack and go on an enormous binge. The amount of food that I would eat when binging was unholy and sickening to even recall. After such relapses I would exercise frantically trying to rid myself of the calories that I had just consumed. I would exercise until I felt weak and lightheaded and then attempt to not eat for as long as I could again. This was a vicious cycle that propelled me into slowly gaining weight and degrading my health.
Years later, although I was no longer depriving myself of food during the day, I still experienced frequent binging episodes. I was severely addicted to consuming junk food, no matter how sugary, fatty or salty. With my ever-progressing condition of depression and anxiety, I had become addicted to how eating these foods made me feel. My skin was worsening, my weight increasing and my health declining, I was unstoppable. Staff that worked at places such as McDonald’s and KFC would remember my order as soon I came in because I had been eating there so often.
I have been fortunate with my health considering my despicable diet but I had still developed certain ailments. The most significant, my digestive tract issues. Nausea, stomach pains and diarrhea had become such a normal part of my day. At one point I had contracted Gastritis (inflammation of the stomach lining) and become quite ill. Other obvious signs of failing health was constant mouth ulcers that would grow to huge sizes and last forever; feelings of extreme low blood sugar when going a mere couple hours without eating; never having any energy; persisting acne issues; constant headaches; and recurrent infections.

It was through my love of science and medical research that inspired me to keep researching and learning new things that would help me to regain my health. Through studying fields such as biochemistry and pathophysiology, I became increasingly aware of the effect that certain environmental factors had on health, particularly diet. I am now on a journey to reclaim my health, both physical and emotional, my vibrancy, and to rediscover who I am. I have been shrouded by depressive, toxic thoughts for long enough, and by simply taking care of myself again, I am excited to learn more about who I am. This blog is a record of my journey; my triumphs, my fails and what I am learning along the way.

Thankyou , April.